Friday, August 18, 2006

Roller Terrorism


I saw the other day that my very own Ft. Wayne Roller Dome is one of the 8,000 or so terrorist targets in Indiana, as compiled by the Department of Homeland Security. I grew up in Ft. Wayne and spent many a junior high Saturday at the Roller Dome. It is where my friends and I attempted for the first time to understand and communicate with these new female humanoids we had lately noticed popping up everywhere. They seemed similiar to us, but different somehow. They didn't respond in what we thought should be normal ways to spitwad offerings or amazing feats of speed and agility around the rink.

Now, liberal Bush haters would like us to believe that sites like, say, the Brooklyn Bridge or the Statue of Liberty should be on the terrorist target list instead of places like the Ft. Wayne Roller Dome. But they are wrong. It is a place where many young men with raging hormones are first rejected, rather decisively and for good reason, by sensible young women. And if my junior high friends and I, like, totally grossed out the girls there, which we did, imagine how much harder it would be for Islamofacists to win their affections. It is even possible that some of my junior high friends grew up to be Islamofacist terrorists as a result of their time spent at the Roller Dome. It is the perfect place to see the inherent corruption and immorality of modern culture, and the total unfairness that you are unable to participate in it.

So, don't believe its inclusion on the list has anything to do with politically well-connected Indiana Republicans. I'm certain the process was completely fair and objective, and that former junior high boys everywhere would agree with the assessment.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I saw that report, too. I was so excited to see the Roller Dome on the Daily Show! I used to meet my girlfriends (4th-8th grades) there all the time. And now it's a terrorist target. Whoda thunk it? What's next, the Biscuitville where I had lunch in high school?

-tim

Dan S said...

I guess it depends on whether they hate us for our biscuits as much as they hate us for our roller domes...

KFingtree said...

It's what's underneath the Roller Dome; The local Fort Wayne Raytheon/ITT military company's and the Norad space center in Colorado Springs have collectively and secretly compiled the midwest's largest underground military technological/data system.
I happened to stumble upon when it was in it's early stages of installment. One of the unwilling female humanoids I managed to coax into some hanky panky there, eloped with me. I found a staircase that I had never seen before seeming to go to what appeared to be a basement. There were two doors at the bottom of the stairs. One door was full sized and the other a dwarf like door. The dwarf door was unlocked the other locked. I opened the dwarf door and was surprised to see light within it's confines. I took (Monica L.) by the hand and entered the room. There were loads of box's stacked orderly all around the room. The box's were mostly marked with Magnavox logo's. There were a few marked top secret with military writing on them. I was only interested in one thing, so my curiosity of this room and it's contents at that time went no further. I inquired a few days later about it with a friend who's father worked for Magnavox (today known as Ratheon). His father shared very little, but said it was a secret military bunker to be installed there. I had forgotten about it until I saw that report on the Daily Show about it being a terrorist target. So Dan, you are completely off track with your remark of it's inclusion being politically connected with the Northeast Indiana Republicans. When are you ever going to stop apologizing for the Islamofacists terrorists and admit that you are an unpatriotic inferior Liberal that not only grew up in Republican dominated right wing Fort Wayne, but perhaps never really grew up at all. Stick to The Springer show or WWF and stop questioning our government!!

brownieman said...

If someone blows up my rollerdome, all my memories of rejection by sweaty smelling underdeveloped grrls will be blown away with it...

I cant decide if that's good or bad.

...Oh what the heck! Level it! You Islamo-anti-pubescent-ritual-meeting
place-blower-upper-facists you! Go ahead! Destroy my dreams! Or was it nightmares?

Viola said...

It is a very useful blog for home and commercial security, roller doors provides security but may pose a threat to you if impaired, you can get benefits as I have got from Roller Door Security.

Viola said...

It is a very useful blog for home and commercial security for those who are concerned about security, as I have got from Home Security Shutters .Shutters add a nice touch to a home's exterior. In other parts of the world, especially Europe and the Caribbean, shutters serve a functional purpose.

Viola said...

It is a very useful blog for home and commercial security for those who are concerned about security, as I have got from Home Security Shutters .Shutters add a nice touch to a home's exterior. In other parts of the world, especially Europe and the Caribbean, shutters serve a functional purpose.