Well, I guess it is sitzpinkler week here at MMM, because I just can’t resist one last entry on the men-peeing-sitting-down phenomenon. I originally thought it was a silly PC thing, then found out it was really a sanitation thing, and then learned that it has become a macho PC insult thing. Finally, I heard this pastor's thoughts on it below, after which I believe I’ll become an enthusiastic sitzpinkler going forward.
There’s so many money quotes in here that it is hard to choose just a few. Here’s the basic logic:
- “Him that pisseth against the wall” is a phrase used 6 times in the Bible, which is the number of a man. I don’t know if it’s the number of one man or all men. Perhaps it is the number of The Man.
- There’s a difference between men and women – men piss against the wall, and women don’t.
- Recent translations of the Bible do not translate this phrase literally. They use “men” instead of “him that pisseth against the wall.” This is apparently a disgrace.
- His main point, in his own words: “In Germany, they have signs that prohibit men from peeing standing up! … I was told that no man in Germany pees standing up. That’s where we are headed in this country my friends. We have a bunch of pastors who pee sitting down. We have the president of the United States who probably pees sitting down. We got a bunch of pastors and leaders who don’t stand up and pee against the wall like a man. That’s what’s wrong with America. 400 years ago, pastors used to stand up and preach that A MAN NEEDS TO BE A MAN!!!! The editors of the NIV and the new King James all pee sitting down! I’ll tell you something, I’m not going to pee sitting down! I’m going to Germany in about a month, and you’d better know I’m going to stand up everywhere I go!”
Yes, one of the biggest problems we face in America today is that men no longer piss on walls. Poverty, racism, and greed be damned – what God asks of us is to pee like a man. Well, the men anyway. I guess it’s the women’s jobs to handle all those other things, presumably after they clean up after the men.
Since God’s word is literal and unchanging, remind me not to accept any dinner invitations from this guy. I bet his walls at home are pretty disgusting by now.
Note that if we are going to be absolutely literal about it, God didn’t actually say men must pee standing up - just that they must pee against a wall. There’s no indication of direction, so there’s a loophole here. Perhaps you can pee sitting down if you use the wall as back support. Biblical scholars might need to jump in here to interpret, because I don't want to be on the wrong side of such a vitally important theological and patriotic issue.