Tuesday, August 05, 2008

My McSweeney's Curse

So, I had just finished a list entitled "Things you can learn from relatives at family reunions" and was cautiously optimistic that it would be good enough for McSweeney's. I was all ready to go this morning, but checked their website one last time to verify their submission guidelines. Then I saw this morning's post was a piece on the same topic: A Field Guide to your Family Reunion.

Rats. I already had one piece rejected from them for being too similiar in topic to another one submitted around the same time. Oh well. I suppose family reunion inspired humor isn't terribly original as a topic during the summer. Nonetheless, does anyone have any suggestions for where to submit list-type humor pieces?

Here's the list, which is a continuation of a throw-away line from last week's Smile Politely column. Note that none of these items bear any direct relation to either my or Jill's family, whom I adore. In fact, my brother has a great summary of my actual family reunion.


Things you can learn from relatives at family reunions:

Unsuccessful ways to treat bunions

Comprehensive information about the pre-school market in faraway cities

The countries your uncle thinks we should nuke

What your great-aunt really thinks about Jews, blacks and Muslims

There are some swell choices when it comes to erectile dysfunction medications

The outcomes of sporting events and family games can be affected by prayer

A Camaro is really smooth ride, baby, and also hot chicks just can’t keep their hands off your cousin

Why public schools are such a disgrace, especially to your brilliant yet underachieving nieces and nephews

The internets are hard to use, and also evil

How many beers it takes for each in-law to reveal his or her true feelings on various matters

There exists a finite but unbounded number of ways to split up reunion expenses

How to fake mayonnaise poisoning

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